SNOW WHITE: THE SEQUEL

Everyone agreed it had been a fairy tale wedding, and for a few years it had seemed that Snow White and the Prince were enjoying the happiest of marriages.

But time passed and things changed. There was no one single event that people could point to at the time to show that things were not well in the royal marriage – rather a slow steady accumulation of detail that made sense only in retrospect.

It had started with the joint appearances. From the time that they had announced their engagement it was clear that she was a real star and newspaper editors soon realised that a picture of her on the front page always led to an increase in sales. And Snow White herself was not above using the press for her own purposes: she had made a fortune by selling the story of her time in the woods with the seven dwarfs while at the same time hitting all seven of the dwarfs with a series of gagging writs and injunctions to ensure that her version of events was the only one in the public domain.

Of course Snow White and the Prince still made public appearances – it was part of the job description after all – but from now on all such appearances were strictly solo. Snow White continued to draw big crowds, and over time they grew even bigger, but the Prince, although he was always attended by a respectable audience, seldom managed to attract too much press attention.

Finally the news was broken to a world that already suspected what it now heard: Snow White and the Prince were living apart, although no one had yet mentioned a divorce.

Alone in her home in the country Snow White paced fretfully from room to room. She was missing the adulation that greeted here wherever she went and was in a bad mood. Deep in thought she suddenly found herself in a room she did not recognise. It was a large room, completely empty apart from a large cheval mirror with an ornate golden frame that stood in the centre of the room. She immediately recognised it as a magic mirror, and asked it the obvious question:

“Mirror, mirror on the stand,
Who is the fairest in the land?”

The mirror responded immediately, its voice seeming to come from the centre of her reflection.

“You are. There’s no doubt at all.”

The voice was firm and the tone was deep.

Snow White felt reassured. What ever else was wrong in her life she was still the most beautiful woman in the kingdom.

It was not long after this that news broke of the Prince’s affair with one of the Ugly Sisters. Snow White had known about this almost from the start and had herself been involved in a series of relationships over the past few years. However the difference was that she had been discreet and so far not a word had leaked to the press. But now with the news of the Prince’s affair splashed across every front page she felt devalued: this news could fundamentally affect her position in the kingdom.

After hours of thought she decided to consult the mirror. This time there was an ominous pause before the mirror spoke, and its voice was hesitant:

“Um. You are. Definitely. No doubt at all.”

This threw her into a dreadful temper. She took off one of her shoes and threw it at the mirror. The glass immediately shattered into a thousand pieces, that lay like a frost of diamonds on the carpet.

Snow White spent days planning her come back campaign: a major television interview followed by a whole series of carefully stage-managed photo opportunities. These had the desired effect, but by the time they were over Snow White was exhausted. Her media adviser suggested that a period of withdrawal from the public eye might be beneficial, so Snow White decided to take a holiday.

It was while she was at the coast in a neighbouring kingdom that she met Aladdin. He had long since separated from his wife and now was part of a group of minor characters from fairy stories who lived hard and played hard.

Snow White thought it was love at first sight – again. Aladdin was very kind. He took her for rides on his magic carpet. After much prompting he even introduced her to his genii. But the press were not far behind them. And it was while trying to escape from the press that their carriage, driven by a drunken coachman overturned, and both Snow White and Aladdin were killed.

It was an accident of course, but Aladdin’s father could not accept it, seeing in it the dark hand of Jurisfiction. And so although Snow White was dead her story carried on, and conspiracy theorists everywhere lived happily ever after.